I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
