I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He better not be in your backpack
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
