Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
