never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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