peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
