Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
