I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
