I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
