Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
