end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
