whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
