Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
