this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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