i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
