You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
