Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
