there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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