so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
