I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
