She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
