I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
