apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
