I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
