Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
