Cold hands, warm shart.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
