There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
