Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
