I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
and you fell through a lawn chair
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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