remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
