Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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