You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
