butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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