it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
