yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
