the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
