i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
