All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
