And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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