I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
