ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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