I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
