So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
