I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Come share oat with me in your robe
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
