By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
