I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
