these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
