So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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