Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
