Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
