weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I did not marry a roomba.
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