why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
