My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
